i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
