i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
