I am spending my child support on dildos
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
