I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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