I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
