ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
don't judge my taste in strippers
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
