I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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