Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
