operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
