dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
