I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
