Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
After tacos, we're chasing women.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
