She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I love having hate sex.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
