Screwed.edu
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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