remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
