is your mom at the bar?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
two words: eviction party
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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