i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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