Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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