Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
