how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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