Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
