help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
