upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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