I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
