everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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