i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
