my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
