with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
