He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
