I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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