Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
