when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
