Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
