Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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