4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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