It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
