how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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