that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you inspire me to be a worse person
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
