We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
