have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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