Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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