that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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