party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
