I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
