All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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