My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
