I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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