Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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