I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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