my vag is so smooth its legendary
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just want to make out with him forever
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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