Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
false alarm, still single
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
