Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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