awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
