Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
