oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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